Preparing for a Separation During Tough Financial Times

While you may want to separate, you may be forced to "sit tight" because, like millions of other people, you are under financial stress during these tough economic times. I want to tell you about an online resource called "Family Connex" that can help you and your partner move forward - while still in the same home - to prepare for a separation by "practicing" co-parent communication and planning how you will each meet your children's developmental needs.

Family Connex helps you build a tentative parent agreement and implement parts of it that you can. For example, as co-parents you might arrange a night for each parent to have special time with the kids while the other parent leaves the home or has a break in the home. This can help you right now because it can reduce your adult tension by turning the focus away from your adult relationship toward thinking about the present and future well-being of your children. Family Connex gives you guidelines on what you need to discuss and address, and it can guide you toward dividing time you will each spend with your children.

Meanwhile, understand how your tension affects your children:

• Kids are like sponges; they absorb tensions and begin to sense when there are problems betwen parents. Many of their friends or classmates may have gone through a transition. They may be wondering about their own family: "Will my mom and dad get divorced?"
  
• If parents are arguing and the children are aware of it, they can become hyper-vigilant in not saying or doing anything that would exacerbate the tension. 
  
• Kids may feel stuck in the middle. They may worry about a parent, be angry at a parent, or feel badly when they are told they are "just like your mother or father."
  

The Family Connex program can help you prepare for a separation now even though the separation may occur down the road. You'll begin working on a parenting plan that you will develop and implement once you divorce.

Be honest with your children in an age-appropriate way. Do not give your children adult details but indicate that there are problems between their parents if they ask. Reassure your children that you love them and will be there for them. Assure them that anything that occurs between their parents is not their fault.

Put your marital or adult issues aside and begin to communicate as co-parents. This is a gift you give to children and yourselves as loving, responsible parents. If you want to save money and avoid hurting your children, Family Connex will guide you and your partner in what you need to discuss with regard to your children.